As you approach mediation you may be feeling nervous. Almost everyone who approaches mediation feels the same way, and it is perfectly understandable. At Hampshire Mediation our mediators are used to working with people who are uncomfortable and unfamiliar with the process and who are feeling nervous as a result. They will do everything they can to guide you through the mediation, and to make the whole process as stress free as it possibly can be. The tips outlined below might go some way to assisting you in preparing for the mediation.
1. Write down your concerns, or be prepared to discuss them
This is a bit like drawing up an agenda for the mediation. The mediation process is about listening to the concerns and aspirations of all the participants involved in a dispute. Accordingly, it is very important that all of your concerns are made known, whether they are financial, emotional or to do with practical arrangements. Hampshire Mediation makes time for a reading period for documents relevant to the dispute, and encourages each participant in the mediation process to submit something before the mediation begins. The purpose of this reading is to help the mediator understand the issues involved, and to make sure that no time is wasted at the beginning of the mediation session explaining things about the historical context of the dispute. If new concerns arise after you have submitted your concerns to the mediator, it is fine to bring them to the mediation itself.
2. If there is a financial element, make sure your financial documents are ready
If you are seeking financial restitution or a financial settlement through the process of mediation, or if there is a financial element to your dispute, you will need to bring along any relevant documents that support your position. These might include receipts, invoices, or bank statements. Likewise, any documents that support any assertions you are making about financial hardship suffered due to the dispute should also be included. If you are unsure about whether or not to include a document, bring it along. You don’t have to use it, but it may be of use to you once you are there.
3. Keep calm, and Mediate
Mediation is essentially a negotiation between you and the party with whom you are in dispute which is facilitated by a trained and impartial third party – the mediator. It is a process of finding a solution that both you and the other participant can live with. It is not about winning or losing and it is certainly not about apportioning blame pr going over old ground. Strong emotions are perfectly understandable for anyone who is involved in a dispute, but expressing them is not always helpful to the process of mediation. If your feelings are overwhelming, and you may feel that you need additional support outside the mediation process. As well as friends and family members who are not also involved in the dispute there are many trained specialists (counsellors, therapists, etc) who can help to support you. Your wellbeing is our highest priority, and Hampshire Mediation will be able to signpost you towards such specialists, if you so wish.
4. We are here to negotiate, not to argue
Mediation is about moving forward, it is not about re-visiting old disputes or wrongs or going over old ground. It is about the future, not about the past. The dispute is what got you into the mediation process, and the aim of the mediation is to identify a solution which you each can live with. You have tried arguing before, and it didn’t work; mediation is time to try a new way of resolving your dispute, not to rehearse old arguments.
5. Private sessions with the mediator
You are more than welcome to ask to speak to the Mediator alone at any point during the mediation meeting. Hampshire Mediation is accustomed to requests to speak to the mediator alone, and our mediators are happy to facilitate a private conversation. Anything you say to the mediator when you are alone with him or her is entirely confidential, and will not be repeated to the other party without your express consent. Typically, if one participant asks to speak to the mediator alone, the mediator will then offer the same opportunity to the other participant, and the same rules of confidentiality will apply.
The mediator may also ask to speak to the participants in private in order to explore an issue or ask a question which he or she would not wish to do in front of the other participant.
6. You don’t have to come alone
At the root of many people’s nervousness over the mediation process is that they will have to face the person with whom they have been in dispute alone and without support. It is part of the mediator’s role to provide that support to each participant, and to ensure that neither participant seeks to take the opportunity of the mediation to browbeat the other.
If you so wish, you may bring someone else with you. They may be a friend or relative, or may be a professional such as your solicitor. The advice of a solicitor can be invaluable in a mediation, and many solicitors are very familiar with the mediation process. You may wish to ask a solicitor to accompany you to a mediation to advise you on points of law, but of course the final decision will be yours. The name of the person you intend to bring with you will be notified to the other participant in advance of the mediation session, and they will be required to signed the confidentiality agreement.
It is worth bearing in mind that any charges made by the solicitor or other professional for their time and expertise will be borne by the person who brings them to the mediation. Unlike other charges for mediation meetings, they are not split between the parties.
Finally, if you have any questions at all about the process of mediations, please do not hesitate to contact us on 01962 832683, or at [email protected], or visit our website at www.hampshiremediation.co.uk where you will find a great deal of information about the mediation process.
