Christmas is a magical time especially for children, filled with joy, anticipation and cherished traditions. For families navigating shared parenting, however, it can also bring challenges. How do you ensure your children feel loved, included and cared for while balancing different households, schedules and expectations?
At Hampshire Mediation we often explore practical ways to approach shared parenting during the holiday season, prioritising the happiness and well-being of your children.
—
1. Prioritise the Children’s Needs
The essence of Christmas lies in togetherness, joy and love. For children in shared parenting arrangements, this doesn’t have to mean spending every moment with both parents. Instead, it means creating meaningful, quality experiences wherever they are. This is a common subject of discussion during family mediation.
Ask yourself: What will make this holiday magical for my child? Whether that’s continuing a beloved tradition, spending extra time cuddled up watching holiday movies or giving them space to enjoy time with the other parent, let their needs guide your actions.
2. Plan and Communicate Early
Clear communication with your co-parent is crucial to avoiding misunderstandings or last-minute stress. Begin discussing holiday plans well in advance. Who will have the children on Christmas Eve? Will Christmas Day be split or will it alternate annually? We often spend whole sessions in family mediation exploring the alternatives.
Having a written plan or shared calendar can help manage expectations and prevent conflicts. This allows both parents to plan their own celebrations without worry, giving children the reassurance of a clear, predictable holiday schedule.
3. Be Flexible
Holidays don’t have to follow the calendar to be special. If your child spends Christmas Day with the other parent, celebrate your Christmas a few days earlier or later. Kids will remember the love, joy, and effort you put into making “your Christmas” special, regardless of the date. Plus, they get twice the celebration!
Being flexible also models resilience and positivity for your child. Showing them that celebrations can be meaningful in different ways helps foster adaptability and gratitude.
4. Maintain Old Traditions—Or Create New Ones
Traditions anchor us and give a sense of continuity. If your family has established traditions, consider which ones can be continued in each household. If that’s not possible, this could be an opportunity to create new traditions unique to your home.
Perhaps you can start baking cookies or mince pies on the day you decorate the tree, have a festive movie night with hot cocoa or take a holiday-themed outing like ice skating. These moments create cherished memories and strengthen your bond and your children will remember them for years – and often adopt them into their own families later.
5. Encourage Open Communication with Your Child
Children, especially older ones, may have feelings about dividing their time between homes during the holidays. Encourage them to express their thoughts and wishes, and listen without judgment. Family mediation is always child-focussed and we very frequently seek ways to make the arrangements fit with the children’s aspirations.
If possible, involve them in planning. Let them choose which traditions to prioritise or how they’d like to spend their time. Empowering your child in this way helps them feel heard and valued.
6. Above all, Avoid Guilt or Competition
It’s natural to want to make Christmas as special as possible, but avoid overcompensating by overloading your child with gifts or extravagant outings. Similarly, resist the urge to compare your celebration with those of your co-parent. Apart from anything else, all but the youngest children will see through it.
What children value most is time and connection, not material things or grand displays. By focusing on creating a warm, loving atmosphere, you’ll give them a holiday that feels safe and meaningful and that they will remember for a very long time.
7. Focus on Co-Parenting Cooperation
Shared parenting during Christmas can be smoother when both parents approach it as a partnership. Respect each other’s time, communicate changes and avoid speaking negatively about one another in front of the children.
A spirit of cooperation not only makes the holidays easier but also sets a positive example for your kids, teaching them the importance of teamwork and mutual respect.
For those that struggle to work together, family mediation can offer a neutral and balanced environment in which to have these discussions.
8. Take Care of Yourself
The holidays can be emotionally taxing, especially if this is your first year navigating shared parenting. It’s okay to feel sadness or frustration, but don’t let those emotions overshadow the joy you can create.
Make time for self-care. Whether it’s spending time with friends, indulging in a favourite hobby, or simply relaxing with a good book, prioritising your well-being will help you stay emotionally available for your child.
Final Thoughts
At Hampshire Mediation we know that shared parenting at Christmas doesn’t have to be a source of stress. By focusing on your child’s happiness, communicating openly and embracing flexibility, you can create a season that is meaningful and joyful for everyone involved.
The true spirit of Christmas isn’t bound by logistics or traditions—it’s found in the love, kindness, and memories you create. And those are gifts your children will treasure for years to come.
